Dear Pastor,
I look forward to reading your column in THE STAR every day. I have been reading them since I was in my early teens.
It was introduced to me by my sister. She wrote to you about a problem and you published the letter in your column. She was so excited when she saw the letter and your answer. She brought THE STAR to me and showed me her letter. Since then, I have tried not to miss your column. My sister still reads it online. She is now living in North America. I live in Jamaica because our parents are old and we want to make sure that they are cared for. We have a full-time helper, but my wife and I also live at the house. My wife is very good to my parents. We only have one child together, but I have an outside child, which I am not proud about because I impregnated a married woman. It almost caused my wife and I to break up.
This woman and her husband did not have children, but we were good friends. People used to say that she was a ‘mule’, so one day she was crying and I asked her what was the problem. She said that the doctor told her nothing was wrong with her, and that she should be able to get pregnant. I jokingly said, “I could breed you.” We were hugging and kissing for a long time, until we decided to go all the way. We had sex right on her couch, and she later got pregnant. I was so frightened when she told me she missed her period and she knew that I was the one who got her pregnant. She said her husband and her had not had sex for about three weeks because he was working in the country.
I decided that I would have to stand up to my responsibility. I could not tell this woman to have an abortion, because she wanted a child. So I told my wife exactly what happened. Then I told the woman to call my wife and tell her that we were only fooling around and we never thought that she would have got pregnant. After two weeks of soul-searching, this woman called my wife and begged her not to break up with me because she is the one who forced herself on to me. That was not the whole truth because I could have backed away, but when she offered herself to me, I found pleasure in having sex with her.
Her husband did not leave her immediately because he thought that he was the father. But after the child was born, everybody in his family told him that his wife had given him a ‘jacket’, so she came clean and told him it was not his child. So they broke up. I am not proud of what happened, but she is happy to have a son, and my wife has forgiven me for my infidelity. This woman’s husband has never spoken to me after realising that I got his wife pregnant. Her son does not carry my name, but I know that he is my son, and he knows that I am his father. His mother and my wife get along very well. My wife told her that she has forgiven her, and me. I told my wife that she is the best woman in the world.
– D.S.
Dear D.S.,
You said that the doctor had assured this woman that nothing was wrong with her and she could become pregnant.
I know women who have been married for many years before getting pregnant. We are living in a very cruel world. Some people like to see girls becoming pregnant soon after they are married; otherwise they call them mules or other derogatory names. Although this woman got pregnant, it was not by the correct means. So you could not expect her husband to be happy with her, knowing that she allowed you to have sexual intercourse with her and that it was evident that the child was a jacket.
You have a very good and forgiving wife. She stayed with you and forgave you for what you did. I am glad that you supported this child. I wish his mother the very best. Continue to take care of your family, sir, and take care of your parents. May they enjoy many years to come.
– Pastor