Dear Pastor,
This is very embarrassing for me to write to you about, but I must. I am 19 years old and my girlfriend is 22.
I will be 20 in July. I grew up with my mother and grandmother. My mother got pregnant with me when she was 16. My father did not support her. My grandmother told him not to come near her house. My grandmother told me that people used to say that my mother was fooling around with many men. My father was a police officer and when he did not take care of my mother, she used to curse and say that is why she does not like policemen.
My mother had the opportunity to go to America, so she left me with my grandmother. I love my grandmother. For years we slept on the same bed; plus, nobody could take advantage of me. My grandmother took me to school. She was an auxiliary worker. My mother supported me. She sent money home every two weeks, but my father did not give me anything. We lived in a board house until my granduncles helped my mother to build a two-bedroom house with an inside bathroom.
When I met my girlfriend, my grandmother told me to invite her to the house. She was from another district, and she had a boyfriend before me. The first time she wanted us to have sex, I was scared, but she forced me. After that, everything was alright. My grandmother gave me money last year to buy her something for Valentine’s Day. She told me her other boyfriend never did that for her. My grandmother does not know that my girlfriend is two years older than me.
I want to be a mechanical engineer. My girlfriend does secretarial work. My mother got married in America; she is legal over there. She is hoping to have me come to America. But I told her that I cannot come unless grandma is coming, too. My girlfriend told me that I should go and she would follow me afterwards. What do you think about that?
– L.G.
Dear L.G.,
You have a wonderful grandmother. She is caring, but I am afraid I have to say that your father has behaved as a worthless man.
He can be described as a deadbeat father. He, of course, could say it was your grandmother who told him not to come to the house. But if he knew that you are his son, he should have supported you. I am glad that your mother found a way to escape hard life in Jamaican and she is doing much better in America. Your grandmother’s brothers have assisted her in building a concrete house with bathroom attached, so that she could be very comfortable and you can be very happy with her. Your mother should be commended in doing her best in supporting you. Evidently, she is happy.
Get yourself a good education. You are young. You don’t have a father to guide you, but make sure you listen to your grandmother, and make sure you attend church. Seek advice from your granduncles. Weigh the matter carefully as to whether you should go abroad to live. Don’t totally rule it out. I wish you well.
– Pastor